maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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