literally had 100 drinks last night.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
