She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
