So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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