I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
