you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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