Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
