how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
