I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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