he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
