Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
