omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
