On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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