My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
