I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
