just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
