my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so let's talk penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
