No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
