her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
