Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
