I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
