Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
