Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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