dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
