How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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