i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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