If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
