Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
