so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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