we're blogging at a bar
You can't motorboat a personality
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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