At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this beer tastes like vomit already
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
