guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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