what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
