Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
