what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
