but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
