I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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