She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
