Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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