New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
