I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
