you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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