...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
