i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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