I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
