Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
