Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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