I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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