whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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