I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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