i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
