She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
