Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am available for nakedness
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
